I Hate Elf On A Shelf

In 2013 there was a blizzard/ice storm/snowmaggedon and all of Oklahoma shut down.

Wait...let me back the story up a bit.

If you know me, or looked at this blog at all you know that I'm a photographer.  If you've ever been friends with a photographer then you know starting about the end of September we get a smidge unhinged. By mid October we are functioning on unending coffee and when November rolls in, forgettaboutit. This is our insane season. Our do-all-the-business-because-January-will-be dead, season.

This makes me not the greatest mom when it comes to adding one more thing on my plate during the holidays.

Back to snowmaggedon...the first week of December 2013. For Okies, the world came to a screeching halt. Turnpikes shut down, all the bread, eggs and milk was freaked out over and bought and schools were closed.

While the kids attempted to sled down our sorry excuse for a hill in the mid-west, I scrolled Facebook and glared at all of my friends and their stupid little stuffed doll doing all the cutesy things. 

In my best Scrooge attitude I looked over to Dave-O and snarled "if I had one of those dumb Elf dolls it would be cleaning and NOT making messes!"

The rest, as they say, is history...

Do all the dishes!

Do all the dishes!

Diced, not chopped!

Diced, not chopped!

Oh yeah...

Oh yeah...

Dyson, I'm waiting for my phone call.

Dyson, I'm waiting for my phone call.

This is where the evil elf on my shoulder took over and things started sliding down hill... fast.

Kissy Kissy!

Kissy Kissy!

He's a bad influence on all the toys.

He's a bad influence on all the toys.

Don't act like you haven't thought about it.

Don't act like you haven't thought about it.

Lots of outtakes!

Lots of outtakes!

A little left over zombie blood from Halloween and a PSA from the Elf. "Always wear your helmet kids."

A little left over zombie blood from Halloween and a PSA from the Elf. "Always wear your helmet kids."

We knew the elf wasn't all fun and games.

Elf always had a thing for Mrs. Claus.

Elf always had a thing for Mrs. Claus.

Night night.

Night night.

Merry Christmas from the Osborn family!

That time I blogged pictures of myself...

This blog is really uncomfortable for me. It's so uncomfortable that after I typed that first sentence I went and started a load of clothes, heated up some leftovers...anything to avoid working on this project!

Avoidance, thy name is Melissa. 

Here we go, I'm diving in. 

This is a picture of me. 

Raise your hand if you like having your picture taken. *sits on hands*

Let me back up a bit. On top of being a photographer, I also homeschool my 3 kids. Part of our homeschool schedule includes 3 days of co-op where I teach 3 photography classes. My oldest son, Davis, is a Sophmore and in my 2nd year photography class. Teaching him photography is a JOY. I love sharing my passion and knowledge with him. 

Here is where that class is biting me in the butt. When my son has a camera in his hands he sometimes points it at me. 

Me, who would rather be behind the camera.

Me, who talks with her hands and makes dumb faces excessively. 

Me.

Here is where I'm a big, fat, huge hypocrite. 

I tell women to be brave and get in front of the camera ALL. THE. TIME.  Your kids will want to remember you just like this, I tell them. You are gorgeous in this light/color/location. None of these are lies. I see other women's beauty in every thing they do.

But my own...yikes..talk to my husband about how clearly I see myself. 

But when I griped to Davis about my lack of make up and bags under my eyes he smiled and said "My beautiful mama, the bags just show how hard you work for all of us."

Tears. Big fat ones. That boy is a huge suck up and I adore him. 

I'm looking straight into his sweet face....and trying to hide my double chin with my hair. 

I'm looking straight into his sweet face....and trying to hide my double chin with my hair. 

So mamas, here's where I again say: Get in front of the camera. Be with your kids in the images. Let them take pictures of you and make all the funny faces. In 30 years it won't matter. In 10 years I'll be glad 38 yr old me smiled for the camera cause 48 yr old me will look rough

Probably dreaming about having a maid. 

Probably dreaming about having a maid. 

Again, look at my posing skills, no double chin, no lower body at all. Go me. 

Again, look at my posing skills, no double chin, no lower body at all. Go me. 

Ok, I really do love this one. So moody! He gets an A!

Ok, I really do love this one. So moody! He gets an A!

Please Lord, let my kids only remember me smiling and cracking up with them. Let them look at this and see how much fun, joy and daily hilarity they brought my life. They are treasures I don't deserve but try my hardest to care for with all that I've got. 

 

Mama friends, don't wait. This fall buy the matching sweaters the teenagers will hate and sit in some leaves and be in a family portrait. Your kids love you and the way you look right this moment. Wrinkles, grey hair, double chins, they DON'T CARE.

They just see love.